Being Useless

I'm fortunate in my job to meet a lot of people.  I work in retail and we sell baby clothes, furniture and supplies which means that I have an opportunity to speak with a lot of new dads.  This past week was no exception.

I met a lovely couple and the dad was holding his new 5 week old baby, Oliver.  Oliver was extremely sweet and his dad was very proud.  We got chatting about things and I told him about this blog.  I told him about how I am writing about the experience of raising a child from the father's perspective and he was very intrigued.

Part of our conversation led me to my post for today.  Have any new dad's ever felt like they are, for the lack of a better word, useless?  There are times when I go to comfort Jack and all he ever really wants is his mom.  Sure, I have moments when I can make him laugh, but in his moments of desperation, those moments when I want to be able to help him most, that's when I find myself inadequate for his needs.

I know it is phase of his childhood, but as I spoke with Oliver's father, he too shared my feelings of inadequacy.  He understood what it felt like to be "useless".  He actually was quite raw with his emotions, but in the few moments we spoke, I could sense that it was bothering him as much as it bothers me.

I will always be there for my son, but I have come to terms with being "useless" isn't such a bad thing.  I get the opportunity to love my son but I also get to witness one of life's little miracles ... a mother's touch.  It is in that moment, when you hand your child back to their mother as they scream in desperation only to watch them calm almost instantly, that you realize that your "uselessness" is for their gain.  Your child will know you love them because you gave them what they needed ... mom.

As guys, we like to fix things.  We like to make things right.  But our only hope in making things right is by letting go and trusting that what your child needs most is not you, but her.

Guys, if I can encourage you with only one thing, remember that being useless sometimes is the best way to love your child the most.  You might not always feel the best, but your child will feel the best because of you giving them what they needed most.  Until a hug from dad is needed, let mom play her part and you enjoy being useless.


And that's a fact, Jack!